SCDS is superior canal dehiscence syndrome, a condition of the inner ear. Typical symptoms are autophony (hearing your own voice in your head) , dizziness, and balance problems.

I showed up at the hospital at 8 am this morning, just in time to drink the coffee Todd didn’t want from his breakfast, and Dr. Gianoli showed up about 10. I could tell he was coming by the quick footsteps approaching the door. He talked to Todd a while, made him do a few eye tests, and then decided he could be discharged from the hospital.

There were all sorts of instructions and medications to be sorted out. Until Tuesday at noon, he’s supposed to stay in bed unless he has to go to the bathroom. He did prevail on me to sit at the table and eat “dinner” (3 spoonfuls of soup and half a piece of toast), but he didn’t last long there. I could see his eyes twitching back and forth as he ate (nystagmus).

For six weeks he cannot blow his nose or sneeze through it (he can sneeze through his mouth). He can’t bend over at the waist to pick something up or strain himself in any way. I was wondering, when I picked up his Macbook this morning, if it weighs 10 pounds (the upper limit he can lift). I don’t think so, but it felt heavy.

The following sentence in the “Fistula Precautions” document caught my eye: “Sexual activity is also restricted since this will place significant pressure on the inner ears as well.” Who knew?

Besides, I love celibacy. I was raised Catholic, after all. (But am I more Frank Zappa or Billy Joel?)

Todd told me a story about some other SCDS patient who got frisky a couple of days after the surgery and ended up at the doctor’s office with a bloody head. The doctor sent him back to his girlfriend with a stern note about sex.

I’m feeling a little grumpy tonight. I was fishing around in the Hilton Homewood Suites kitchen and discovered a grocery list. Staff will actually shop for you! I was so excited I had to leave Todd all alone, prance down to the front desk, and hand it to the manager on duty. He said, “Why are you bringing this to me?”

“Who else would I bring it to?”

At that point he saw the Homewood Suites logo and confessed he had never seen one of these forms before. “We’re all bachelors here,” he added. I assume he was referring to the guests and not the staff; I’ll bet most of the latter are women.

I could have forgiven his remarks if he had not spoken to me as if I were a five-year-old.

Maybe it’s my manner. I tend to charge up to people and say, “Hello, this is what I want!” It’s not subtle, but it doesn’t usually get me patronized. Maybe it’s too Denver and not Southern enough? Should I chat for 5 minutes first? Call him sir? People around here like to use “ma’am” and “sir.”

If he uses that tone with me again, I’m going to treat him like the Humpty-Dumpty he looks like and kick him off his wall.

P.S. I emailed someone in Baton Rouge about recycling in Covington. There’s got to be somewhere I can drop off my bottles!