I think everyone is qualified to give advice on this topic, because just about everyone has struggled with it. At least, I imagine there are a few people in the world who don’t struggle with conflict and how to express themselves in a fight. Maybe no such people exist.

It is amazing how hard it is to say little things like “It’s just a game.” That’s really what I’m talking about–just express the emotion. Take a deep breath first, if possible. Steady my voice. If I’m feeling terrible rage, maybe just make a quick comment and let it go until later, when I’m more rational about it. But get something out there. Doing that on a regular basis would be a step forward for me, I think, because I keep so much to myself.

Recently, husband and I had a night out sans kids with another couple. We were playing Settlers which I had never played before. I listened to the eleven bajillion rules. As we were playing I tried to make a move that wasn’t allowed. Okay, I took my pieces back. And the husband berated me for not taking it seriously and not paying attention. I looked at my husband and said we’re leaving. And I did. I wish I had been able to say, hey back off it’s just a game and I’m sorry. But I couldn’t. The wife told me we had to resolve this conflict. I said I can avoid it forever.

Maybe I’m not a good one to dole out advice.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve said something in the moment and then gone over it word by word later. What I’m trying to express with this post is that I’ve never learned to do that in the moment. I think if I practiced speaking up in the moment, I’d get better about separating ego reactions from something that truly needs to be said.

There’s something very peaceful about the feeling after expressing an emotion–even if the emotion itself is turbulent.

And, at the same time, you need to be truthful with yourself and not stuff emotions down.

Absolutely I don’t think you should renounce emotions — they are part of the human condition. But if I am mindful (which is not often enough!), I see them as ego reactions. They come when I see others as separate from myself. That’s the illusion — the separations. And what I am mad at in another must be something I have in myself in order for me to recognize and be triggered by it.

It’s all so easy to talk about but so difficult to stay clear moment by moment.